a kiss with a fist
by queen caffeine
Summary: "How about a kiss, sweet thing?" / "How about a kiss with my fist instead?" Don't mess with Blossom Jojo. Or her husband. —brick/blossom


**disclaimer: do i own these characters? no, no i do not.  
** **notes: IDK OK I JUST REALLY WANTED TO WRITE BRICK BEING INTIMIDATING AS HELL  
** **notes2: idek how this happened. i stayed up until 2 am writing this what am i doing  
** **playlist: 'Kiss with a Fist' by Florence and the Machine**

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 _A kick to the teeth is good for some  
A kiss with a fist is better than none_

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x

Blossom Alexandria Jojo is _not_ paranoid.

Sure, she has superstitions like everyone else—if you spill salt you throw some over your shoulder, don't walk underneath a ladder, don't open umbrellas indoors, et cetera, et cetera.

But she's not paranoid.

So when she wakes up at _1:12 AM_ on a Wednesday night, hearing faint noises from the first floor of her house, she knows something's wrong.

Bruno, their Great Dane, is awake too, his ears perked and a growl sounding in his chest. Blossom slips out from under the sheets and places her hand on his head, quieting him. As silently as she can, she tugs Bruno up by the collar and opens her bedroom door.

The noises are a little louder now, sounding like something rattling and clicking. Bruno begins to growl again and Blossom shushes him. She leads the dog away from the stairs and down the hall, towards a pale yellow door. Turning the knob and pushing it open, she thanks the heavens that she made Brick oil the hinges a few weeks ago.

Bruno walks inside and goes over to a small bed with a sleeping little girl nestled under the daisy-patterned comforter. Blossom closes the door behind her.

"Bruno, sit," she says softly, pointing to the floor. Bruno obeys, his ears still perked. "Stay. Watch Kendra." The dog recognizes the commands and complies. Blossom walks over and brushes her four-year-old little girl's russet curls from her face, dropping a light kiss to her forehead.

"Daddy's not here but Mommy will protect you," she whispers. She rubs Bruno's ear and then walks out of the room, shutting the door firmly but noiselessly behind her.

The twenty-nine year old tiptoes to the stairway, listening closely. The rattling and clicking has stopped, but she hears the occasional squeak of the floorboards beneath a heavy foot.

There is someone in her house. Someone that is not family, or her husband, who had a business trip and won't be back until around seven that morning.

Her daughter is asleep in her room and her husband isn't here. It's just Blossom.

But you can be damn sure she isn't letting some petty criminal _break into her house_ and just take what they want. No way in _hell._

She treads lightly, her feet silent against the carpeted stairs, avoiding the one that creaks in the middle. There's the sound of drawers sliding open and someone rustling papers. Her rose-pink eyes catch the sight of the front door cracked open, the lock busted. Blossom's anger ignites.

 _They won't get away with this._

x

The noises are coming from the office, so Blossom goes around the opposite way, to the kitchen. A frying pan is sitting in the dish rack, still speckled with water droplets. She picks it up anyway, and grips the handle tight.

The burglar moves from the office into the living room, and Blossom creeps through the dining room and into the office.

Brick's desk is ransacked, papers scattered and all organization destroyed. If he's not downright pissed at the situation as a whole, the chaotic state of his work space will definitely do the trick.

A door opens in the living room, and Blossom immediately thinks: _My china cabinet._

Clinks and the sound of china scraping the wood as it's moved reach her ears. She grits her teeth and inhales, moving through the office and into the entryway. Her feet never meet groaning wood or carpet, so the criminal never hears her coming.

She rounds the corner and finally sees the intruder. Dressed in all black with a bag over his shoulder, the man is a few inches taller than her with an average build. He's facing away from her, examining her china tea sets and tableware.

 _This man is planning on stealing her things. He's threatened the safety of her home, her_ child. _She's going to make him regret it._

" _What_ do you think you're doing?" Her voice is steely and colder than ice. The man stops in his tracks and slowly turns around, eyes wide.

x

 _Shit. He got caught._

His eyes are bulging as he takes in the person that had just spoken. She's standing in the shadows, and all he can see is a mass of curly hair and blazing _pink_ eyes. She's holding something in her hands and he briefly hopes it's not a gun.

Shaking the thought away, he swallows, reassuring himself.

 _She's short and probably has no idea how to fight someone bigger than her. She won't stand a chance._

The woman takes a step forward threateningly and he can observe her in more detail. She has copper hair and pale skin, and her tank top and shorts show off her curves rather nicely.

He smirks.

"You're all alone," he notes. "Sorry to disrupt your beauty sleep; guess I'll just have to be quieter next time."

Her eyes narrow. "Next time?" She repeats. "There won't _be_ a next time. You're going to jail for breaking and entering."

"Now, now," he holds up his gloved hands. "See, I don't think we're on the same page, doll. I'm not going to jail, because you're not going to restrain me. What's gonna happen here is," his voice turns more menacing and he takes his own step forward. "I'm gonna take what I want and leave. And you're not going to stop me, or I'll pull out my gun and we'll have some _real_ issues."

He doesn't actually have a gun on him, but she doesn't know that and sometimes bluffing pays off.

The woman's eyes are slits, and her knuckles are white. "You don't have a gun on you," she says steadily.

He falters, astonished. _How did she know I was bluffing?_

"Give back what you stole and get out of my house," she orders.

Now, he gets angry. _She can't just tell him what to do! He's bigger and stronger and faster, and he'll do what he pleases! No stupid gutsy bitch is going to get away with threatening and ordering him around!_

"I didn't want to do this…" he scowls. His hand reaches inside the bag and pulls out a very sharp looking butcher knife. The woman's eyes widen. "You've made me angry, doll."

"I'm going to call the cops." She states, moving towards the landline resting on a nearby end table. He points the knife at her, and she freezes.

"Don't. Move." He sneers. "Or I'll throw it."

She eyes him warily as he comes closer, knife still brandished in front of him. He gives her an oily smile as he looks her over again. "Y'know, for an annoying bitch you're pretty hot. How about a kiss, sweet thing?"

She bares her teeth at him. "How about a kiss with my fist instead?"

He doesn't get a chance to respond, because just then the front door slams open.

x

" _Get the fuck away from my wife."_

The unwelcome guest turns to look at the new arrival, and Blossom seizes her chance, swinging the frying pan like a baseball bat to knock the knife out of the burglar's hand and giving him a swift kick to the groin.

He yelps and lurches forward and she scrambles back, still wielding the frying pan in front of her as a shield. Suddenly, Brick is there, pushing her behind him and punching the other guy in the nose. There's a _crack_ and the guy howls, hitting the floor as blood gushes from his face.

Brick immediately turns around to Blossom, blood red eyes intense and full of emotions—anger, worry, anxiety. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Blossom says breathlessly. "I'm going to call the police. He had a knife."

"Kendra?" Brick questions urgently. She lays a hand on his arm. He's still clad in his work clothes, she notices absentmindedly.

"Upstairs, asleep. Bruno is with her." Brick nods and Blossom walks down the hall to the kitchen, where another landline phone is located.

Brick hears her voice as she speaks with emergency services and faces the burglar again.

x

If he thought the woman looked pissed before, this new guy looks downright _murderous._

Through a haze of pain—both from his most likely broken nose and throbbing groin—he registers the furious gaze directed down at him, and when he meets the new guy's eyes he almost has a heart attack.

His eyes are the color of _blood_ and full of pure _rage._

The guy leans closer and he flinches.

"You're lucky my wife was the only one home," he says, his voice low and dangerous. "If you had broken in and I was here, you would be dead." He shivers, but the man continues. "You're lucky the police are coming for you—otherwise, _I'd put a bullet through your fucking skull._ "

He regrets every life decision he's ever made.

x

Two hours later and the police are finally leaving, having detained the criminal and getting statements from Blossom and Brick. After arranging for a meeting with the police again later on in the week to discuss charges and the trial (you can bet your ass Brick is pressing charges, he's putting that fucker's ass in _jail_ ) and retrieving the stolen items from the burglar, the two head upstairs for bed.

Brick checks in on Kendra, who is miraculously still asleep, and smiles slightly when he sees Bruno lying down dutifully in front of her bed. He closes the door and retreats to his own bedroom, where his wife awaits him.

"You're home early," she murmurs as he begins to change out of his work clothes.

"I got transferred to an earlier flight," he explains, pulling on a pair of pajama pants but forgoing a shirt completely.

"I'm glad you came when you did." Blossom meets his eyes and he climbs into bed, pulling her close.

He kisses her deeply, holding her tight against him as she winds her arms around his neck. Their legs tangle together and they separate slowly.

"You had the situation handled from what it looked like," he smirks a little. "The frying pan was an excellent choice."

She smacks his chest but smiles. "Brick," she scolds, her tone light. "I'm serious." Her voice becomes quieter, more subdued. "...Thank you, for saving me. If you hadn't come in when you did, I don't know what…"

"That doesn't matter—you're safe now," he responds firmly, squeezing her to remind her he is real and there to protect her. She presses a kiss against his jaw.

"I'm always safe around you…you're my safe place Brick."

"I'm glad you're safe," he says after a minute, voice low. He buries his nose in her hair, wondering how he ever got so lucky as to marry a woman so strong and brave, yet so gentle and kind at the same time. "I love you Blossom."

"I love you too Brick."

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 **DOMESTIC MARRIED COUPLE FTW**

 **kendra is mine btw and if i write more adulthood!oneshots she will most likely show up  
**

 **BUT HELL YES BLOSSOM BEING BADASS AND BRICK BEING SCARY AF I LOVE IT**

 **i hope you all love it too, lemme know what you think! give me oneshot ideas! scREAM ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS WITH ME!**

 **hugs and kisses all ;***

 **peace out girl scouts,**

 **queen caffeine**


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